A shot to kill the pain,

A pill to drain the shame,

A purge to stop the gain,

A cut to break the vein,

A smoke to ease the crave,

A drink to win the game,

An addiction's an addiction,

Because it always hurts the same.

Finally.

Haven't got the time to update anything for the past week due to the outings, assignments and presentations going on consecutively. Basically, I'll just summarize everything up with photos so I wouldn't have to explain in details.
Fyi : Pictures are highly edited due to my limited 5-megapixel camera which made the images look crappy so I had to do something about it.

Last monday,

Patrick Pandi. (;

(P/s : I know my eyes look super weird on the first photo.) 

My God brother of three years since grade 10, came back from KL for a short break so we went out for lunch and headed off to Esplanade to have a little breeze after class along with my girl friend, Sylvinn who was the driver.

 Pat going crazy and hyperactive on the swing. 

Doesn't she look just, lovely? 

The following Tuesday night.

Birthday at Pizza Hut.

 

4 solid years of friendship.

From left to right : Gladys, Alice, Elaine, Me and Windson.

 

 

The birthday boy. (;

Random shot with Elaine. <3

Grocery shopping after classes the next day.

The serious Xi Hie at the cashier waiting for her chicken wings to be weighed. 

Barbecue Day! 

With the girl who never fails to crack me up, Ting Ting. <3

 

The guys examining the grill.

 CAT mates trying to catch the fishes with all sorts of available equipments. =.=

The famous, brick wall game.

And lastly, Fook Chern's attention seeking hat. :P

Friday night,

 Flew to KL with the family.

On the plane, cam-whoring with my elder sister.

And yes, she's older than me by 4 years.

Competition day; Saturday night.

 At KLCC ballroom with 2 of my elder sisters.

Patience.

 

Never go to sleep angry,

Because you never know if you or the person you're mad at will wake up the next morning.

Always forgive someone,

Because you never know if you'll talk to them ever again.

Things happen, get over it.

Always forgive, though you may not forget..
At least it's better than knowing you'll never get to say sorry,
Or "I love you" ever again.

Relationships.

 

Relationships.. They've never been exactly my kind of thing, or so I choose to believe. It's not the fact that I do not like the feeling of being in love, I do. I just dislike the after effect of the relationship. That moment where after it all ends, either one of the couple chooses to cut off all contacts, or the friendship wouldn't be as strong and as bonded as how it was before (If you've both started off as friends, that is). 

Now don't start with all the, "Relationship is all about taking risks", "If you never try, you'll never know" and all sorts of similar advices because I've already applied it before. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I do not believe in those. What I'm trying to state here is that, I disallow any of those to be related or to be clashed with my already convoluted life. Moreover, I wish not to let it affect my academics because I know very well that it will.

Many a times, I'm tempted by the exhilarating thrill of being IAR but usually I'll instantly snap and think, "Maybe I'm just not ready yet" or, "What if it doesn't turn out to be the way I expect it to be?" and so on. I'm unfortunately someone who'll easily let my gullible and naive other side of myself get the worse of me whenever I'm attached. Because when I do, I do not think with my mind/brain but through my instincts. It's sad to know that it is also because I've seen most of my friends go through these experiences that I do not wish to let my emphatic emotions overwhelm me once again.

In addition to that, I've promised and swore to myself that by the end of my 2 and a half years spent completing my Diploma that I will definitely make the biggest and most outrageous improvement in my entire life. Therefore, I will not "touch' Love for quite some while.

Do not think that I wanted to turn out this way,

Do not think that I do not see my own flaws, and my mistakes.

I do.

More than anything I contemplate about,

And all the things I could have done better,

Or shouldn't have done at all.

But then I thought, why bother?

Sooner or later, we all have to let go.

No more hate, no more anger, no more regrets.

Expectation

When I think about what I've achieved throughout these 18 years, I've come to realize that unsurprisingly, I've not attained or accomplished any of the goals that I've set in the past. All the resolutions throughout those years were all a bunch of bull that I've never kept my words to actually really put my heart into trying to make it happen.

I was never a person who would keep to promises without breaking them. Even if I were to keep to that promise, it'd actually come out as incomplete and half fulfilled. Meaning to say, it'd still end up broken in the end. I was also never someone who was determined to do anything. From academics to sports, I would never be consistent as to keep it a routine. I'd either stop halfway and never continue, or never even start doing it.

It's even more depressing to know that as much as I see all these flaws on myself, my parents are seeing an even worse view of me. I cannot remember when they've labeled me as an indolent person, but all I know is that they've never put it away ever since. From being in-denial, I've slowly come to accept the fact that I'm not as diligent as I am expected to be. Maybe I am pouring salt to my wound and being a critic of my own, but I know that once I admit, I will be ready to make a difference. I will no longer sugar coat my faults and mistakes and neither will I bring my inconsistency along with me anymore.

I shall make my 18th year, the year of change. I shall turn over a new leaf.