Challenge day 09: Someone you wish you could meet.

 

Oprah Winfrey. :)

She's my inspiration.

♥

Challenge day 08: My favorite internet friend.

There's this person, whom I've been friends with for almost 10 years. I've seen him a couple of times in school, way back in primary, but we've never actually had a proper conversation in real life before. And that is why, he's my favorite internet friend.

Many of you may wonder, how exactly do I keep our friendship this long without even meeting or how we'd actually be able to stay friends through the virtual world. Well, our bond is that strong. :)

I remember few years back, when I used to dislike him so much. I thought he was a real jerk because of his inconsiderate and rude attitude, which I assumed was the actual him. But after a few conversations, did I come to realize that he was one of the sweetest person I've ever met in my entire life. He soon became one of the closest people in my life whom I'm so very afraid to lose.

He was always my listening ear every time I go through a broken heart. The person who wishes me last on my birthday, just because. The only guy who falls in love with me, and yet still be able to stay friends. The one who stays with me during Valentine's, (because I was always single on that special day.) The person who never fails to make me laugh, even when I don't feel like smiling. And of course, the only friend who'd always be able to make me feel better about myself, by downgrading himself every time I fail a subject. :)

I can't tell you how much he means to me, and I don't think he'll ever know that. But I hope at some point in his life, he'd remember that I used to be a part of his life. A friend he'll never be able to forget. A friend he'll always keep so very dear to his heart.

I love you, A.C. x

Challenge day 07: An ex friend.

Skipped day 4, 5 and 6 , because for 1, I've got nothing better to talk about my siblings in order to not sound cliche. 2, I love everyone in general, therefore I can't really state a specific person to talk about. And 3, I can't recall anyone whom I've labeled as stranger in my life.
So here I am, on the 7th challenge: An ex friend. :)

 

I lost her when I was 12. No, she did not die, or was involved in a car accident. I just, lost her friendship. It was over something stupid. Something that caused her lost of trust on me. Her assumptions, her silence, her disappointment towards me. Everything. It broke down the wall I built with her for 6 years.
All because of a single mistake, a lie.
Who could have known, just by being a single step too late would have caused a whole life time of regret. A lost of someone who held so much value in my tiny life 5 years ago.

I miss you, my dear friend.

And I hope you're doing well over there. 

Challenge day 03: My parents.

I skipped day 2, since I've got no crush and I doubt I'll have one anytime time soon. So I'm gonna talk about my parents. :)

No pictures are to be shown, since my mom dislikes having her picture put up on the internet, assuming that she might get mom-napped one day after being seen by a serial killer or some stalker of hers/mine. Yes, her imagination is that creative and wild. And people wonder why we're related. *Stares into space*.
As for my dad, he doesn't care. But ever since my mother implanted that scary thought into my head, I've decided not to place any photos of them here. I mean, who knows right? Rofl.

Okay, lets start off with my dad. *Breathes in*

My dad, I swear, is one of the biggest critic I've ever had in my life. And trust me, I'm not the only one in the family who thinks this way about him. Lets just say, he has a habit of criticizing the way you dress, the way you look, your body size, your hair, your face, your skin complexion/condition, the way you talk/walk, the way you eat, etc etc.. And the list goes on. No one in the family has not been commented or *whispers* insulted by him before. Maybe that's the reason why I'm always so hard on myself, or that I'm always aware of the way I look. But yeah, I swear, if it wasn't for him, maybe I would have ended up being despised by the outside world instead? Who knows. :)
As for his good traits? He's a very, protective dad. *cough* sometimes too protective.

My mom, on the other hand, is the total opposite of my dad.

One word to describe her? Generous. Yes, she's generous. No other bigger words could describe how much she means to me, and all the things she has sacrificed in her life for me and the family.
& maybe when I have the chance one day, I'd like to make a best mother award and present it to her.
Hopefully that would put a smile on her face for once. A true, and sincere smile.♥

Challenge day 01: My best friend.

 

This sweet, beautiful girl up there, is my best friend. :)

We've been friends for almost three solid years, and I know, though 3 years isn't a big number, but for the things between to us to grow stronger and deeper? It sure is a big, big number. :)

She's been amazing to me throughout our entire friendship, and I swear, I would never, ever trade her for anything or anyone in the world 'cause for you to find a friend like her, is one of the hardest shizz in your entire life. She's just one in a million, and she's definitely a keeper. ♥

As cliche as it may sound, I never knew that we'd one day be this close and be this much important to each other as how I imagined our friendship few years back. It started out just like any other typical school day, *and yes, we've talked about this a million and one times before* with me assuming she was chinese, and her thinking I was a retard with the kind of specs that stood out from any other chinese girl in a chinese private school. ;) naw, I made that "stood out from any other chinese girl* part. ha-ha but yeah, the retard part was true though. :p

Well, our friendship pretty much grew from that day onwards and things eventually fell into place after we clicked through a small conversation, *which must've been about something strange, but yeah*. & to be honest, I've never felt any luckier than this to have found someone who shares so many things in common with me. All those little things like our choice of clothing, our criteria in the right boyfriend *whom we never end up with, sadly*, our thoughts on the changing society, our type of food, and of course, we share the same kind of sarcasm and sense of humor. ;)

All I can say is, I'm definitely very blessed to have her in my life. :')
She's wonderful just the way she is, and I would never have her any other way.

I love you sexy ass,

hope this puts a small on your lovely face. ♥

P/s: Note that I'm being nice. HA-HA :p
Nevertheless, I still love you. TEE-HEE!

50 day challenges. ;)

I saw this post on a friend of mine's blog, (Janice) a few weeks ago and decided maybe I should take up the challenge as well. Besides, I've got nothing better to do, so why not!


Day 01: Your best friend.
Day 02: Your crush
Day 03: Your parents.
Day 04: Your sibling (or closest relative).
Day 05: Someone you love.
Day 06: A stranger.
Day 07: Your ex (boyfriend/girlfriend/friend/crush)
Day 08: Your favorite Internet friend.
Day 09: Someone you wish you could meet.
Day 10: Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to.
Day 11: A deceased person you wish you could talk to.
Day 12: The person you hate most or someone who caused you a lot of pain.
Day 13: Someone you wish could forgive you.
Day 14: Someone you’ve drifted away from.
Day 15: The person you miss the most.
Day 16: Someone that’s not in your state/country.
Day 17: Someone from your childhood.
Day 18: A person in your life that you know that you wish you could be.
Day 19: Someone that pesters your mind, good or bad.
Day 20: The one that broke your heart the hardest.
Day 21: Someone you judged by their first impression.
Day 22: Someone you want to give a second chance to.
Day 23: The last person you kissed.
Day 24: Someone who judged you.
Day 25: The person you know that is going through the worst of times.
Day 26: The last person you made a pinky promise to.
Day 27: The friendliest person you knew for only one day.
Day 28: Someone that changed your life.
Day 29: The person that you want to tell everything to, but are too afraid to.
Day 30: Your reflection in the mirror.
Day 31: Someone that you hold a grudge against.
Day 32: Your Significant Other (Or best friend)
Day 33: The person you admire the most.
Day 34: A Celebrity crush
Day 35: A distant relative.
Day 36: Your pet.
Day 37: Someone you walked past today that caught your eye.
Day 38: A character in a book/movie/show that you relate to.
Day 39: The last person you said goodbye to.
Day 40: Someone you wanted to yell at.
Day 41: The person you envy the most.
Day 42: Someone you know who lied to you.
Day 43: Someone you've lied to.
Day 44: Your best friend in the whole wide world when you were a kid.
Day 45: A person who has taken you by storm, flipping your world upside down, in a good way.
Day 46: Someone who shares something in common with you that you know of.
Day 47: Someone you think is awesome.
Day 48: Your very first imaginary friend.
Day 49: The last person you shared a hug with.
Day 50: To someone you wanted to help.

I miss school. ):

And I'm not even kidding. 

I seriously miss waking up at the most ungodly hour just to prepare for school.

I miss seeing my best friends, course mates and school mates.

I miss attending lectures. (Yes, you got me right. I DO miss attending classes.)

All that I'm trying to say is that, I'm absolutely ROTTING at home. I know I should be finding something to do, or should be flipping through my notes to get prepared for my finals. But I like the fact that I'd be waking up to school every single day, knowing that my schedules' all tight and packed. I'd rather be busy than bore myself to death, facing these four walls the moment I open my eyes.

I hate to admit this, but, I can't wait for school to reopen. I can't wait for Semester 3 to start as well.

Guys must read this.

Boy: I broke up with her.

His Best Friend: What happened?

Boy: She’s just too much for me.

His Best Friend: What makes you say that? What did she do wrong?

Boy: Well, for one.. She only cared about her appearance. Always had to look good, always took forever to get dressed! So insecure..

His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she wanted to keep your eyes locked on her? She wanted you to see that you have the prettiest girl under your sleeve and not think otherwise? I see..

Boy: Oh.. Well.. She’d often call me or text me asking where I am, who I’m with, telling me not to smoke, not to drink. She’s so clingy!

His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she cares about your well being? Because she cares about you a lot? And her greatest fear is losing you. I see..

Boy: But.. Uhh.. Well, she’d always cry when I say something slightly mean. She can’t handle anything. She’s a crybaby!

His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she has feelings? And because she just wanted to hear you say you love her? I see..

Boy: I.. Well! You know, she’d get jealous easily. I could barely talk to other girls! She’s so annoying! I had to hide it from her so she wouldn’t bitch about it.

His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she just wanted you to commit to her? She thought you were faithful, but you lied so she could find out later and hurt even more? She just wanted the guy she loves the most to love only her. I see..

Boy: Well, she..

His Best Friend: You broke up with her because she’s good for you? She just wanted the best for you? She’s broken now because you were selfish. Are you proud?

Boy: I broke her heart.. Because I couldn’t see what was happening.. What happened to me?

His Best Friend: You lost the girl that loved you like no one else could. You see? You didn’t want her when all she ever wanted was you. THAT’S what happened.

 

A door made out of steel, I'll break it down.
A wall so high, I'll find my ways around.
A gate so steady, I'll still breach through.
I'll crush anything in my way, just to get to you.

 

Your name is where the heartache starts again.

What happened in April and May. (;

Birthday cake by the course-mates, 2011.<3 (:

Birthday presents on my bedroom shelf.

Fyi : Both the mini and the huge SpongeBob was given by the same person.

Fyi 2 : I've 12 teddy bears on that same shelf and counting.

 Steamboat at Michael's.

 The best friends.(;

Outfit of the birthday night.

STUDY WEEK

Fake candid photo at Marry Brown. :P

The study mate.<3

And lastly,

 My late baby turtles. 

Gonna miss you guys. ):

Ways to Love Your GirlFriend ♥

1. When you say goodbye, hug her for that extra moment, even if people are watching.
2. Make her feel important: Talk to her, sincerely ask her if she is alright if she seems sad or hurt.
3. Stand up for her.
4. Buy her something personal. Or, better yet, make her something.
5. If she tells you that she loves you, kiss her lightly, then whisper “I love you more” while you are still touching her lips.
6. Take her out, even not to an expensive dinner or the movies. Sometimes where you first met or a walk around the park can be very romantic.
7. Hold her hand when you’re with your friends.
8. Share inside jokes.
9. If there is a food she loves, buy it and surprise her.
10. Always call her back, even if it’s just to say I love you.
11. If she is lagging behind, pick her up in your arms and carry her.
12. Randomly give her a peck on the forehead, nose, cheek, etc..
13. Look her deep in her eyes.
14. Gather her up in your arms and kiss the top of her head.
15. Love her at her worst.
16. Give her your sweatshirt and cuddle with her.
17. Pick her up and spin her around.
18. Laugh with her, not at her.
19. Listen to music with her, and with same headphones, of course!
20. Listen to everything she says.
21. Tell her how much you love her.
22. Always ask her what would make her happy that you could do.
23. If you start fighting stop and say i love you and im sorry can we stop fighting please.
24. NEVER tell her she’s ugly, fat, etc. (even if you’re joking)
25. When a girl is mad at you , you never stop talking to her even if she’s says "go away" or "i never want to talk to you again". Never stop talking to her and saying sorry for what you have done.

Oh hi.

It's been almost 2 weeks (or three?) since I last posted anything on my blog. Been a pretty hectic month and it's finally over! No more assignments, no more exams and definitely no more staying up to burn any drop of midnight oil, "for now". Well, I've been given a week of semester break, excluding next week. Since it's actually a school week only the fact that classes will be starting on Thursday onwards. And I'm absolutely looking forward to be having my classes combined with the rest of the courses except for A-level though. 79 students in one lecture hall will definitely be something different compared to the number of students I've been with for the past 5 months. Will however, be looking forward to meeting new people and of course to be in a whole new environment!

Anyway, talking about 5 months. I've realized that the black roots from my hair has grown up to almost 2 to 3 inches and I will not deny the fact that it's making me look really dirty.

Here's a picture.

Sad enough, as much as I want to go for a re-dye, I don't actually think it'd be healthy for my hair to go for another session of intense bleaching since I had just had it done in January. Ah well, guess I'd have to wait until the end of the year or so to go through this whole treatment again.

 

A shot to kill the pain,

A pill to drain the shame,

A purge to stop the gain,

A cut to break the vein,

A smoke to ease the crave,

A drink to win the game,

An addiction's an addiction,

Because it always hurts the same.

Finally.

Haven't got the time to update anything for the past week due to the outings, assignments and presentations going on consecutively. Basically, I'll just summarize everything up with photos so I wouldn't have to explain in details.
Fyi : Pictures are highly edited due to my limited 5-megapixel camera which made the images look crappy so I had to do something about it.

Last monday,

Patrick Pandi. (;

(P/s : I know my eyes look super weird on the first photo.) 

My God brother of three years since grade 10, came back from KL for a short break so we went out for lunch and headed off to Esplanade to have a little breeze after class along with my girl friend, Sylvinn who was the driver.

 Pat going crazy and hyperactive on the swing. 

Doesn't she look just, lovely? 

The following Tuesday night.

Birthday at Pizza Hut.

 

4 solid years of friendship.

From left to right : Gladys, Alice, Elaine, Me and Windson.

 

 

The birthday boy. (;

Random shot with Elaine. <3

Grocery shopping after classes the next day.

The serious Xi Hie at the cashier waiting for her chicken wings to be weighed. 

Barbecue Day! 

With the girl who never fails to crack me up, Ting Ting. <3

 

The guys examining the grill.

 CAT mates trying to catch the fishes with all sorts of available equipments. =.=

The famous, brick wall game.

And lastly, Fook Chern's attention seeking hat. :P

Friday night,

 Flew to KL with the family.

On the plane, cam-whoring with my elder sister.

And yes, she's older than me by 4 years.

Competition day; Saturday night.

 At KLCC ballroom with 2 of my elder sisters.

Patience.

 

Never go to sleep angry,

Because you never know if you or the person you're mad at will wake up the next morning.

Always forgive someone,

Because you never know if you'll talk to them ever again.

Things happen, get over it.

Always forgive, though you may not forget..
At least it's better than knowing you'll never get to say sorry,
Or "I love you" ever again.

Relationships.

 

Relationships.. They've never been exactly my kind of thing, or so I choose to believe. It's not the fact that I do not like the feeling of being in love, I do. I just dislike the after effect of the relationship. That moment where after it all ends, either one of the couple chooses to cut off all contacts, or the friendship wouldn't be as strong and as bonded as how it was before (If you've both started off as friends, that is). 

Now don't start with all the, "Relationship is all about taking risks", "If you never try, you'll never know" and all sorts of similar advices because I've already applied it before. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I do not believe in those. What I'm trying to state here is that, I disallow any of those to be related or to be clashed with my already convoluted life. Moreover, I wish not to let it affect my academics because I know very well that it will.

Many a times, I'm tempted by the exhilarating thrill of being IAR but usually I'll instantly snap and think, "Maybe I'm just not ready yet" or, "What if it doesn't turn out to be the way I expect it to be?" and so on. I'm unfortunately someone who'll easily let my gullible and naive other side of myself get the worse of me whenever I'm attached. Because when I do, I do not think with my mind/brain but through my instincts. It's sad to know that it is also because I've seen most of my friends go through these experiences that I do not wish to let my emphatic emotions overwhelm me once again.

In addition to that, I've promised and swore to myself that by the end of my 2 and a half years spent completing my Diploma that I will definitely make the biggest and most outrageous improvement in my entire life. Therefore, I will not "touch' Love for quite some while.

Do not think that I wanted to turn out this way,

Do not think that I do not see my own flaws, and my mistakes.

I do.

More than anything I contemplate about,

And all the things I could have done better,

Or shouldn't have done at all.

But then I thought, why bother?

Sooner or later, we all have to let go.

No more hate, no more anger, no more regrets.

Expectation

When I think about what I've achieved throughout these 18 years, I've come to realize that unsurprisingly, I've not attained or accomplished any of the goals that I've set in the past. All the resolutions throughout those years were all a bunch of bull that I've never kept my words to actually really put my heart into trying to make it happen.

I was never a person who would keep to promises without breaking them. Even if I were to keep to that promise, it'd actually come out as incomplete and half fulfilled. Meaning to say, it'd still end up broken in the end. I was also never someone who was determined to do anything. From academics to sports, I would never be consistent as to keep it a routine. I'd either stop halfway and never continue, or never even start doing it.

It's even more depressing to know that as much as I see all these flaws on myself, my parents are seeing an even worse view of me. I cannot remember when they've labeled me as an indolent person, but all I know is that they've never put it away ever since. From being in-denial, I've slowly come to accept the fact that I'm not as diligent as I am expected to be. Maybe I am pouring salt to my wound and being a critic of my own, but I know that once I admit, I will be ready to make a difference. I will no longer sugar coat my faults and mistakes and neither will I bring my inconsistency along with me anymore.

I shall make my 18th year, the year of change. I shall turn over a new leaf.

11 Painful Things.

1. Bringing back the feelings you've learned to forget.
2. Reminiscing the good times.
3. Trying to hide what you really feel.
4. Loving someone who loves another.
5. Having a commitment with someone you know wouldn't last.
6. Shielding your heart to love somebody.
7. Loving a person too much.
8. Right love at the wrong time.
9. Taking risk to fall in love again.
10. Accepting that it was never meant to be.
11. "What ifs".

Text me not.

After receiving a whole wave of complains from friends as well as strangers and admirers(?), I've finally decided to make things clear to everyone. I'm not afraid to admit, and definitely am not ashamed to say that I do not like texting.

I'm not trying to say that I despise people who text 24/7 or even while sleeping (if it's even possible), but what I'm trying to state here is that, I personally dislike doing all of those. I do not like the fact that I'd have to take my phone as a pet and bring it everywhere I go only because I'm waiting for a message or is obliged to reply in fear that the person on the other line might explode with full rage because of the unending hours of waiting for me. And this however, will turn everything ugly. Why? Because I am not one who will take in any particular person's anger without blasting back. I am not patient, sorry to say.

Also, I absolutely hate the fact that some people starts talking behind my back only because I did not reply and/or do not want to reply that particular text message of theirs. With them making things big, it doesn't do any good to neither of us because for one, it will only give me a stronger impression that you're just as immature compared to the rest and two, you will stand in an even lower level in my life. (Not that you were ever as important before though.)

And to be honest, I'm not saying that I'm completely against virtual communication, but it'd be better if we could actually have a conversation in real life rather than talking through the phone. (:

When anger strikes, leave it be.

For the past few weeks, I haven't been able to sleep well due to the amount of work load that I've been trying so hard to complete because I, as usual, procrastinated the entire time which resulted to finishing up my assignments at the very last minute. Unfortunately, I can't seem to be bothered enough to kick off this bad habit of mine. (Well, I have tried to get rid of it for countless number of times, but sadly, it is to no avail.) However, I will make this an additional resolution to this year to actually be a tad bit more progressive. Due to the numerous number of disappointments from my family, I've finally waken up to prioritize this issue.

I'm also kind of worried that I might not reach my expected target for my finals due to the fact that I haven't been quite as serious as I should be. Also, to receive the news that I did so ridiculously horrible in my SPM, it has pretty much pulled my self esteem lower. But then again, I'd never allow myself to stay in such state for long and will, of course stand up to make things better. Hopefully, there would be no more of these heartbreaking news in the future because I don't think I can take to see another moment of failure. =s

 

Even the most effective drug expires when unused, what more with the strongest feelings if ignored?

I could press rewind and rewrite every line to the story of me and you.

Find me here, speak to me
I want to feel You, I need to hear You
You are the light that's leading me
To the place where I find peace again

You are the strength that keeps me walking
You are the hope that keeps me trusting
You are the light to my soul
You are my purpose, You're everything

How can I stand here with You and not be moved by You?
Would You tell me, how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and You give me rest
You hold me in Your hands, You won't let me fall
You steal my heart, and You take my breath away
Would You take me in, take me deeper now

How can I stand here with You and not be moved by You?
Would You tell me, how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with You and not be moved by You?
Would You tell me, how could it be any better than this?

'Cause You're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything, everything
You're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything, everything

You're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything, everything
You're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything, everything

And how can I stand here with You and not be moved by You?
Would You tell me, how could it be any better than this?
How can I stand here with You and not be moved by You?
Would You tell me, how could it be any better than this?

How can I stand here with You and not be moved by You?
Would You tell me, how could it be any better than this?
Would You tell me, how could it be any better than this?

There are two things that pierces the human heart:

1. moments we wish would last forever.
2. moments we wish had never begun.

1 more to go.

I'm finally done with my mid term, and am heading towards my finals in a month's time. And well, by the end of May, I'll prolly be done with my first semester, and will directly jump into my second semester which will only last for 2 months consisting of 3 days of classes per week. I seriously have no idea what I should be doing for the rest of the week if so I do get a credit for Malay, as it will reduce my classes to 2 days only. This is kind of depressing as I've realized that ever since my classes have started, which only lasts from 8 till 11.30 in the morning, I have been completely clueless of what to do once I reach home. Therefore, I do not know whether I should be delighted or be prepared to suffer in solitude once sem 2 starts. =s

On the brighter note, the first thing I'll do is get my license. Despite the fact that I have road trauma, and also the fear of getting involved in a serious accident, I do still want to get a legal permit to drive as it would be more convenient whenever my schedule does not meet any of my siblings' or my mother's. And as much as I hate to admit, but I am not one who is patient enough to wait for transport. Even if I am asked to finish up my work or assignment in school, I do still want to get home as soon as possible to get a good rest. Though I may procrastinate most of the time, having a license of your own is always a much better option.

Classics, but still loved.

 

'Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,

And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be,

Thinkin' maybe you'll come back here to the place where we'd meet,

And you'll see me waiting for you, on the corner of the street.

So I'm not moving,

I'm not, moving.

You can't feel anything that your heart doesn't want to feel. I can't tell you something that ain't real, because the truth hurts but lies are worse. It's like running back through the fire, when there's noting left to save. Like chasing the very last train, when we both know it's too late.

A wise man once told me, that the start of a thousand mile journey begins with one step.